Wednesday, August 20, 2003
Loosely coupled thoughts on song writing by professionals in the real world of show business
Why don’t these people just write songs about what they really know about, the things that take up the majority of their waking and dreaming lives?
- how to have someone select the right ski wax for your nordic adventure on the slopes of
sapporo, aspen, or vail
- how to dry the nailpolish quickly under a dressing room fan in time for the tv interview
- how to juggle a busy schedule of a french restaurant for lunch with getting to the tailors to have the hems of the trousers resewn so they drape properly, mixed in with a confusing array of a tooth bleaching, a touch-up manicure, more busy shopping sprees, and a trip to the hairstylist
- how to survive the rigors of the executive frequent flyer waiting lounge at the airport
- how to soil the best hotels under anonymous names when touring so your group can stay there again on future tours
- how to pimp for your record company president, your manager, and the boys in the band, take what you want from the available flesh without alienating anyone more powerful than you
- how to avoid paper cuts when opening accounting reports from the record company
- how to order meals in at hotels
- how to jilt the hotel for payment after emptying the room’s refrigerator bar
- how to get the right dvd/vcr player to remain on friendly terms with the record company coke dealer
- how to get the right name for the barbizon model when you call the company for a little
friendliness
- how to talk your way into a more famous celebrity’s limo so you can feign surprise when you have your photo taken together and published in a magazine
- how to have your underlings use your name properly so you get free admission and back stage access to any show you want to see
- how to tell the chauffeur to wait in the car, you’ll be back down in ten minutes
- how to impress the european air stewardess into “dating” you
- how to impress the air singapore stewardess into “dating” you
- how to give an appropriate “come hither” look to a potentially useful woman
- how to impress the “actress” or “model” into “dating” you with a minimum of capital outlay for a new outfit and restaurant tabs for her
- how to impress the waitress by running her legs off and then leaving her a big tip to show what a good sport you are, but only if she finds your attitude properly amusing
- how to deflect the attention of a spouse when you return home because you picked up STD someplace
- how to talk seriously about beauty and fashion magazine articles with your girlfriend and have her retain helpful interest in your conversation
- how to pack the complete dr. hauschka kosmetik tonikum product line and still have room for six pair of shoes
- how to fake that the brain damage received from using “Ecstacy” is merely middle-aged forgetfulness or the result of using more public-friendly drugs
- how to cover up the doctor bill for the cardiogram required before the doctor will rewrite the viagra script by telling your spouse “it’s just a little arythmia, nothing to worry about.”
- how to properly instruct, train, and groom the new girlfriend so she’ll eventually become something you’d be proud to own
- how to show up for dinner invitations, bring nothing to the table, and be invited back (hint: just look at the host’s self-photographed naughty photos and videos)
- how to properly use a young woman’s eagerness to oblige to milk the most out of the relationship in terms of acquiring new networks for your career and new numbers for the business rolodex
- how to listen to yet another year of continuing gossip about child sexual abuse by another celebrity and never think of dropping a dime on him to the authorities
- how to display proper concern about dropping an ash in a private club in front of a reporter
- how to cut short any conversation that might turn towards providing useful information to a young person coming up who might one day become a potential competitor
¶ 8/20/2003 12:31:00 PM
Why don’t these people just write songs about what they really know about, the things that take up the majority of their waking and dreaming lives?
- how to have someone select the right ski wax for your nordic adventure on the slopes of
sapporo, aspen, or vail
- how to dry the nailpolish quickly under a dressing room fan in time for the tv interview
- how to juggle a busy schedule of a french restaurant for lunch with getting to the tailors to have the hems of the trousers resewn so they drape properly, mixed in with a confusing array of a tooth bleaching, a touch-up manicure, more busy shopping sprees, and a trip to the hairstylist
- how to survive the rigors of the executive frequent flyer waiting lounge at the airport
- how to soil the best hotels under anonymous names when touring so your group can stay there again on future tours
- how to pimp for your record company president, your manager, and the boys in the band, take what you want from the available flesh without alienating anyone more powerful than you
- how to avoid paper cuts when opening accounting reports from the record company
- how to order meals in at hotels
- how to jilt the hotel for payment after emptying the room’s refrigerator bar
- how to get the right dvd/vcr player to remain on friendly terms with the record company coke dealer
- how to get the right name for the barbizon model when you call the company for a little
friendliness
- how to talk your way into a more famous celebrity’s limo so you can feign surprise when you have your photo taken together and published in a magazine
- how to have your underlings use your name properly so you get free admission and back stage access to any show you want to see
- how to tell the chauffeur to wait in the car, you’ll be back down in ten minutes
- how to impress the european air stewardess into “dating” you
- how to impress the air singapore stewardess into “dating” you
- how to give an appropriate “come hither” look to a potentially useful woman
- how to impress the “actress” or “model” into “dating” you with a minimum of capital outlay for a new outfit and restaurant tabs for her
- how to impress the waitress by running her legs off and then leaving her a big tip to show what a good sport you are, but only if she finds your attitude properly amusing
- how to deflect the attention of a spouse when you return home because you picked up STD someplace
- how to talk seriously about beauty and fashion magazine articles with your girlfriend and have her retain helpful interest in your conversation
- how to pack the complete dr. hauschka kosmetik tonikum product line and still have room for six pair of shoes
- how to fake that the brain damage received from using “Ecstacy” is merely middle-aged forgetfulness or the result of using more public-friendly drugs
- how to cover up the doctor bill for the cardiogram required before the doctor will rewrite the viagra script by telling your spouse “it’s just a little arythmia, nothing to worry about.”
- how to properly instruct, train, and groom the new girlfriend so she’ll eventually become something you’d be proud to own
- how to show up for dinner invitations, bring nothing to the table, and be invited back (hint: just look at the host’s self-photographed naughty photos and videos)
- how to properly use a young woman’s eagerness to oblige to milk the most out of the relationship in terms of acquiring new networks for your career and new numbers for the business rolodex
- how to listen to yet another year of continuing gossip about child sexual abuse by another celebrity and never think of dropping a dime on him to the authorities
- how to display proper concern about dropping an ash in a private club in front of a reporter
- how to cut short any conversation that might turn towards providing useful information to a young person coming up who might one day become a potential competitor
¶ 8/20/2003 12:31:00 PM
