Flaskaland
Tuesday, March 18, 2003
 
(Man, how fast things can change. This walking the walk, talking the talk piece about forced feeding, one I wrote in the late high-rolling '90s, is a curiosity history piece now)

Hey, Marilyn, glad to catch up with you. This is Terry, Terry Tune from William Morris Agency. William Morris! You know, the guy who designed the wallpaper you have in your foyer? Ha ha! Yeah, he made it into Beardsley’s frontspieces, too.

Ha ha! Can you hear me okay? I’m on my speaker phone in my car right now, well, actually it’s not my car, the Audi TT is back in the shop again. That’s TT, baby, for a Terry Tune car.

How’s your little turbo doing? I loved to watch you try to get that little s-car go. Not going to tell me any more Saab stories, are you? No, no, of course not, sweetheart.

Say listen! I have a deal for you. How would you like to solve all your booking headaches?

I can give you a Terry Tune tablet. You’ve got a choice you don’t need to even think about. You can take a block of TT, that’s a block tour of 12 country and western bands. One signature, twelve dates you don’t have to worry about any more.

And it’s good for us, too, sweetheart. They all caravan following the same route, start one out, then roll out the next. Get my drift? They stay in the same hotels, don’t even have to change the sheets, and that means a bulk rate discount on the usual corporate rate on rooms. Twelve buses, twelve trucks of equipment, and twelve bands all travelling at tiptop fastclip speed from one venue to the next.

We got a bargain box store discount on the radar detectors, and the bottom line is tight as it can be, so we can offer you the best rate on this one.

Is that your phone or mine? I hate these cheap visor talk things, this is my boss’s car. Sounds like I’m calling you from Germany!

Do you need to take that call?

We’ve got an advertising deal for co-op ads, too. We guarantee the newspapers will have camera ready ad copy. Everyone mentioned chips in a proportional share for their portion of the measured ad space. It’s a picture of the band and gives the dates for the band in your club.

And the big record store is involved in this one. The record is on sale at the same time in the big record store. The records will appear in the big store a week ahead of the bands and the posters go in the big store’s window, the same time as the press ads run.

It’s all camera ready and we just drop in the name of the venue and the dates. You and the big store share the billing on the radio ads, too. Yes, babe, radio, too.

Good deal, huh, and your venue and the big store just split the advertising cost. It’s easy, it’s all on our accounting software, and they’ve got their own van on the tour, it’s rigged like an RV with electric hookups and they’re still wired with ISDN in the rare case of sunspots or in case the weather goes bad and the satellite up-link junks out. So there’s never a question that comes up that can’t be answered by them.

So we’ve got a deal on that one! I’ll fax you the contract as soon as I spot a payphone.

All right, now let me tell you about our block tour of 10 reggae bands. Then remind me and I’ll tell you about another thing. Hang on a minute, I’m in traffic here and have to make a left turn ...
 




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